Sunday, 16 November 2014

Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer

Salary: £18,000 - £21,000 rising with experience.
Full Time, Temporary Three Month Contract.

A mock up of the 'fight back' work the successful
applicant will be required to carry out.
West Humbershire Council are looking to recruit a Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer to assist with their soon to be implemented 'Fight Back Against The Vandals' program.  No experience is required but you must be a highly motivated individual capable of working off your own initiative and interested in improving the long term cleanliness of the local environment.

The West Humbershire region and Marlowby Village in particular have had an ever increasing problem with graffitti in recent months and therefore West Humbershire Council have developed a radical strategy for targeting and eliminating 'street art'.  This has led to the creation of a new position within the Parks & Leisure Department.

The Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer will be required to locate the 'tags' of prominent local graffiti artists and then write 'stinks of shit' after their tag.  For example, if you discovered the tag 'Phat Jiggle Dude' then you would write 'stinks of shit' after it so that the graffiti would then read, 'Phat Jiggle Dude ... stinks of shit.'

It is hoped that this radical approach will humiliate the offending graffiti artists and embarrass them into ceasing their vandalistic pursuits.  After all, no-one wants to be known as the graffiti artist who 'stinks of shit'!

The council's experimental, and it has to be acknowledged, controversial strategy for tackling graffiti has polarised local opinion with some residents proclaiming it as a bold and long overdue measure, while other residents have called it 'vulgar' and 'stooping to their level'.  It is therefore anticipated that the successful applicant may experience a mixed response from the local public as he or she carries out their duties.  The successful applicant must therefore have thick skin and be able to maintain a polite and professional manner while directing any complaints to the appropriate point of contact within the council.

The position is expected to last for an initial three month period, but may be extended if results prove to be positive.

Interested applicants should scroll down the page to find details of how to request an application form.

Please note, this is not a real job.  The position of Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer doesn't exist.  West Humbershire Council don't exist either.

This job decription was completely made up by Charles Fudgemuffin, author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The books are priced at approximately £2/$3, but you can currently download the first book in the series for free from Amazon UK and Amazon US.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books are suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.

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