tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20635948106295654732024-03-13T15:23:12.509+00:00'Outside The Box' Employment AgencyAlternative jobs for alternative employees. Think outside the box.Charles Fudgemuffinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04644403046003673633noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2063594810629565473.post-87745372085847101922016-10-09T09:02:00.001+01:002024-01-23T17:35:53.413+00:00Knife Thrower's Assistant<h3>
Basic Salary: £36,000, plus travel allowance.</h3>
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Generous Pension Benefits (death in service exclusion applies). </h3>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U0RDo7QTBec/V_omOETSRkI/AAAAAAAAIhs/X092YLdms709Lx0bCzLfeYA8XikVdQ8WACLcB/s1600/Knife%2BThrower%2527s%2BAssistant.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U0RDo7QTBec/V_omOETSRkI/AAAAAAAAIhs/X092YLdms709Lx0bCzLfeYA8XikVdQ8WACLcB/s320/Knife%2BThrower%2527s%2BAssistant.jpg" width="148" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Knife Thrower's Assistant</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This is an unique role which will appeal to an employee with an adventurous nature.<br />
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An experienced knife thrower is recruiting for the position of 'Knife Thrower's Assistant'. Applicants must be available for an immediate start due to the previous employee leaving the job in very sudden and unfortunate circumstances.<br />
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The job carries a small element of danger, and therefore employees would be required to sign a legal disclaimer prior to commencing their duties. Preference will be given to applicants who are not squeamish and who are comfortable with the sight of blood.<br />
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The position of 'Knife Thrower's Assistant' is being advertised for an initial
period of two months, but there is the possibility for the contract to be
extended pending the result of a police investigation into manslaughter
charges against the employer.<br />
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The nature of the work would also involve a lot of travelling, so a flexible approach to working hours is essential. Previous experience is desirable, but not essential. <br />
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If you feel that the position of 'Knife Thrower's Assstant' is a role for which you would be ideally suited, then scroll down the page for details on how to submit your CV.<br />
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Please note, this is not a real job. The details contained in the above job description are completely made up.<br />
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This job advertisement was fictitiously created by Charles Fudgemuffin,
author of '<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B099WYGBRT" target="_blank">Dead Men Tell No Tales</a>' which is available from
Amazon for kindle.<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B099WYGBRT" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="60" data-original-width="468" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XswpP2dcC-I/YRJWlqY_NeI/AAAAAAAAMj0/TWn93DEEShsMDc0R8hVNMDn-ixISvlF4ACLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/Dead%2BMen%2BTell%2BNo%2BTales%2Bad%2B468x60.gif" /></a></div><br />
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Follow 'Outside The Box' Employment Agency on twitter:<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/OutBoxJobs" target="_blank">@OutBoxJobs</a><br />
<br />
Charles Fudgemuffin is also on twitter:<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/CFudgemuffin" target="_blank">@CFudgemuffin</a>Charles Fudgemuffinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04644403046003673633noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2063594810629565473.post-80514955755293625742014-11-16T09:02:00.001+00:002024-01-23T17:38:35.480+00:00Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer<h3>
Salary: £28,000 - £34,000 rising with experience.<br />Full Time, Temporary Three Month Contract.</h3>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Cyj_p9KtKec/UjixgHCb7qI/AAAAAAAAEZo/77eFMiOJ64I/s1600/Phat+Jiggle+Dude++otbjobs.blogspot.com.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="312" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Cyj_p9KtKec/UjixgHCb7qI/AAAAAAAAEZo/77eFMiOJ64I/s320/Phat+Jiggle+Dude++otbjobs.blogspot.com.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A mock up of the 'fight back' work the successful<br />
applicant will be required to carry out.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
West Humbershire Council are looking to recruit a Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer to assist with their soon to be implemented 'Fight Back Against The Vandals' program. No experience is required but you must be a highly motivated individual capable of working off your own initiative and interested in improving the long term cleanliness of the local environment.<br />
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The West Humbershire region and Marlowby Village in particular have had an ever increasing problem with graffitti in recent months and therefore West Humbershire Council have developed a radical strategy for targeting and eliminating 'street art'. This has led to the creation of a new position within the Parks & Leisure Department.<br />
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The Graffiti Artist Humiliation Officer will be required to locate the 'tags' of prominent local graffiti artists and then write 'stinks of s**t' after their tag. For example, if you discovered the tag 'Phat Jiggle Dude' then you would write 'stinks of s**t' after it so that the graffiti would then read, 'Phat Jiggle Dude ... stinks of s**t.'<br />
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<a name='more'></a>It is hoped that this radical approach will humiliate the offending graffiti artists and embarrass them into ceasing their vandalistic pursuits. After all, no-one wants to be known as the graffiti artist who 'stinks of s**t'!<br />
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The council's experimental, and it has to be acknowledged, controversial strategy for tackling graffiti has polarised local opinion with some residents proclaiming it as a bold and long overdue measure, while other residents have called it 'vulgar' and 'stooping to their level'. It is therefore anticipated that the successful applicant may experience a mixed response from the local public as he or she carries out their duties. The successful applicant must therefore have thick skin and be able to maintain a polite and professional manner while directing any complaints to the appropriate point of contact within the council.<br />
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The position is expected to last for an initial three month period, but may be extended if results prove to be positive.<br />
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Interested applicants should scroll down the page to find details of how to request an application form.<br />
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Please note, this is not a real job. The position of Graffiti Artist
Humiliation Officer doesn't exist. West Humbershire Council don't exist
either.<br />
<br />This job decription was completely made up by Charles Fudgemuffin, author of '<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09RNBK35M" target="_blank">Fly-Tipping</a>' which is available for kindle from Amazon.<br /> <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09RNBK35M" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="60" data-original-width="468" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjs-LULuyVJ5TTQwdhSI6HPeFaqkq5rlHUuXN4eoBC4XVur16iCsMUK5vj5LWf2aJJSOiHGD_XLGifsf9iWzaOl2NrZ9MZGPD0xj3T2b1UnONHaw9KuMLadoM48u0_iIdMDLRH2IxFTC1rBqiNtrZXj9euzGtTeF3k32CRF65wZg0ViVxt1Zux5usqcjg=s16000" /></a></div><br />
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Follow 'Outside The Box' Employment Agency on twitter:<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/OutBoxJobs" target="_blank">@OutBoxJobs</a><br />
<br />
Charles Fudgemuffin is also on twitter:<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/CFudgemuffin" target="_blank">@CFudgemuffin</a><br />
Charles Fudgemuffinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04644403046003673633noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2063594810629565473.post-31785865890570309442014-07-04T09:02:00.001+01:002024-01-23T17:41:56.205+00:00Reputation Attenuator<h3>
Salary: £26,500 Basic, with excellent potential for bonuses.<br />Various Locations. Ongoing Contract.</h3>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-krET__GGAnI/U3UcOqJKsdI/AAAAAAAAFTo/ZlFVroZn740/s1600/Niche+Recruitment+Services+100e.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="260" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-krET__GGAnI/U3UcOqJKsdI/AAAAAAAAFTo/ZlFVroZn740/s1600/Niche+Recruitment+Services+100e.jpg" width="260" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Niche's company values...<br />
'Honesty, integrity, ruthless deception.'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Niche Recruitment Services are currently looking to recruit a team of 'Reputation Attenuators' to assist them in the goal of increasing the volume of new recruitment business acquired. Niche have branches all over the country and therefore a number of positions are available in a variety of locations.<br />
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The job of 'Reputation Attenuator' will entail registering with rival employment agencies and then doing everything legally possible to damage their rival agencies' reputations. At the initial contact with rival agencies you will be expected to go out of your way to make an excellent first impression, thus increasing the chance that the rival agency will register you on their books and send you for numerous jobs interviews.<br />
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However, Niche will then require you to dramatically change your attitude and transform into the potential nightmare employee. For example you would be expected to turn up late for interviews, dress scruffily, and come across as unreliable and disinterested during each job interview.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>As a result of your behaviour, Niche hope this unprofessional approach will harm (or 'attenuate', to use their terminology) the reputation of their rival employment agencies and thus ensure that in future more recruitment business comes their way. If you perform your duties to the standard expected by Niche Recruitment Services, it is hoped that companies using the services of their rivals will receive a customer service experience which is so poor that they will be reluctant to use their services again. As a result local businesses will hopefully be more likely to approach Niche as their first point of contact when recruiting for new roles in future.<br />
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Given the nature of the job, the successful applicant must be able to work well under pressure, and must also be able to demonstrate a strong capability for deviousness, secrecy and discretion.<br />
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If the position of Reputation Attenuator sounds like a role you would be suited to, then scroll down the page for further details of how to submit your CV and arrange an appointment with Niche to discuss the role in further detail.<br />
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Please note, this is not a real job. The position of Reputation
Attenuator doesn't exist and Niche Recruitment Services don't exist
either. I just made them up. This entire job advert was just a daft
piece of tomfoolery.<br />
<br />This fictitious job decription was completely made up by
Charles Fudgemuffin, author of '<a href="https://l.linklyhq.com/l/1ZYGK" target="_blank">The Quiz Master</a>' which is available for kindle from Amazon.<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://l.linklyhq.com/l/1ZYGK" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="60" data-original-width="468" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJbtfOEMYe3LwZvcW5pvxKtI2CS8vPnVy7G7rqBX6nmBN2pI7MO6EnWTeO7LsUvgbMipcWm0I0u8Rs33nitO3i1u4XgB41_4bkfWMDmOXSV-KwXOzd1MdsX2Ny6J3ZNvFALS0xzJCNUI7IZk760PuKmaa_RZraeCL3pB0eLjFazJYLKzTLqn4oHMjRbA/s16000/The%20Quiz%20Master%20-%20Ad%20468x60.gif" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Follow 'Outside The Box' Employment Agency on twitter:<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/OutBoxJobs" target="_blank">@OutBoxJobs</a><br />
<br />
Charles Fudgemuffin is also on twitter:<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/CFudgemuffin" target="_blank">@CFudgemuffin</a><br />
Charles Fudgemuffinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04644403046003673633noreply@blogger.com0